Lolitta's Corner

But my love die ,it wont.....

2009-10-20T09:44:00.000-07:00

My love is stronger that you can bear to believe
Peaceful that can’t hear nor utter
Soft and innocent as a baby buns
Light as a feather
And clear as the sky
To you I gave you all my love
One sweet summer that still I cherish and it lingers
But the past is past they all say
To which I ponder ; for never have I had such a connection
A thrill in itself ; but my love die it wont

You my love belong to another
Respect that I will abide
For the unity of family does come first
As I am no breaker but a unifier
What I have stated is bold and simple
Even the lashes of your tongue so swift and harsh
To which I ponder ,
For never have I had such a connection , a thrill in itself
So swift and hurtful did you act; but my love die it wont

To show your heroine the macho in you
For you are only a man
Ah yes but a gentleman at that or so I thought
Tis it he I fell for and not the jerk you came to be
Now I have shared my peace of mind
Yet linger to what might have been and not
Sitting in the shade of this beautiful paradise
I rethink my story and wish you well; but my love die it wont

Have fallen many a times
But never as strong as this resulting in sorrow and pain
A huge burden and a heart torn to pieces
I am not sorry for what I did
You both thank me you will one day
Leaving you while knowing you loved me still
Yet hatred set in and a change in you never before seen
Is this the real you ?
The man I so touchily loved and adored
I couldnt absorb the hatred so challenging in you
But speak I the words of regret not;but my love die it wont t

When love is not conquered what remains is a lost soul
A mind and a decapitated body
All gone with the love of one man
To you my love I wish you well,from all my heart
To myself the act must move on
Life is short with all its horrors
And live it we must without any sorrow; but my love die it wont

To my dear friend/husband Yusef

2009-09-13T01:43:00.000-07:00

I miss you like the desert misses the rain
Sounds like a tune
But my feelings remain untouched
Though you had my body
Still was I lost in love

Wondering what my life would’ve been
A different path chosen
Stability they call it
Tender tis not on the loveless heart

For I am a wild one
In need of a wilder still
My storm is surfing
Fear of remaining alone
A choice was made which I still regret
Under pressure never results

Fear I no longer have
As life has taught me well
To digest each day as is given
Then to bang you till you seek adjust
Family they say is what is in need
Hush yay please for I was not present
In the making of relatives
And have to bear them and pretense be made

But you my dear husband I so told before
of other flowers in my play yard
Did you not notice how blooming was i
A forever sun ray and rainbow
I give great thanks to your sincerity and pretense
In heavens name to figure me out all in vain

For a jerk I have turned out to be
Sorry and regret eat at me day in and out
As times passes I do become more fearless
Have hurt the best of friends
Who put up with me till the end
Sacrificed all good intentions
Denied by the jerk in me
Broken friendships and family all gone
Whining I may sound to be for all is broken
Alone with the guilt I must live

I am better now and less a danger to myself
Need more time to me than words can utter
Travel I must and see the world
A guide I wont need for my prayers will suffice
As my spirit reloads on a hopeful happiness
That was and will be
For not a care in the world have I.....

my need of you......

2009-04-18T03:55:00.000-07:00

I want you in my life
so much more then anyone else
I want us to be together
together forever
I want to be loved
for who I am not for who you want me to be
I want your love
no one else's
I want to feel your touch
soft in gentle like no other

I want to read your lips when you say
you love me more then anything
I want your lips to kiss me
for the very first time
I want to walk with you
hand in hand
I want your arms around me in front of all
so I feel safe in protected
I want you to hold me
just cause you can
I want you to hold me even more
when I cry

I want your arms around my waist
so they know that I’m yours
I want you to be there
when I need you most
I want to be able to trust you
so you keep my secrets deep inside
I want you to love me
for what’s on the inside not the out

I want you to tell the truth
no matter how much it hurts
I want you to say you’re sorry
when you do something wrong
I want to be with you
just you and me

I want your hand to touch my face
to dry up my tears
I want you to hold me
just cause you love me
I don’t want this relationship to ever fail or end
I hope and believe its destiny or nasseb as we say
For I have to be frank as there is no other way.

you and i were meant to be......

2009-04-13T09:53:00.000-07:00

To my future husband Yusef:

I cannot change the way I am,
I never really try,
God made me different and unique,
I never ask him why.

If I appear peculiar,
There's nothing I can do,
You must accept me as I am,
As I've accepted you.

God made a casting of each life,
Then threw the mold away,
Each child is different from the rest,
Unlike as night from day.

So often we will criticize,
The things that others do,
But, do you know, they do not think,
The same as me and you.

So God in all his wisdom,
Who knows us all by name,
He didn't want us to be bored,
That's why we're not the same.

You and I were meant to be
God entrusted my fate to thee
You entered my life one sweet day
And the 3rd May , our fate, our pathway

My life has flourished in happiness
My feelings are so boundless
Your life and mine will truly bond
Our bodies and souls will truly bound

We will laugh, play, chat and pray
We will vent, snort, touch, and support
Miles and miles from across the sea
Our minds and souls have no boundary

What if we shared, we lived as one
Our hearts and souls would never famine
Our future sealed for us together
Eternity beckons, each other we treasure

When we live together, it is my dream
Our home will fill with laughter,
Mrs B at uni, teaching and researching
Mr B at work, listening and to the complaining
When we live together, Yusef how would you feel?
Or is my dream one without a seal?
When we live together, our worlds would unite
Minds, bodies and souls together so tight

Minds and dreams are wonderful, they excite
My mind has this dream, to you I write
Tell me, tell me, do you dream the same
When we live together, Mrs B, my new surname?

When we live together, these words will not lose
The true meaning of life, it's without taboo's
When we live together, these words from you
Would complete my life, and they are I DO.

In a timelesss era....

2009-04-09T10:00:00.000-07:00

What we thought was love and happiness?

Is now gone all that's left is to move on.

Say goodbye and walk away.

Take your wounded pride put it aside.

The game of love you have lost.

Your broken heart is the cost.

Count your blessings and pray.

Maybe you will win at the game of love one day.

Just learn when to walk away.

You’re strong enough to say good bye.

Don't hold back its okay to cry love hurts sometimes

I want to be a lost poem in a stranger's coat pocket that conveys the importance of you,

To assure you of my desire,

To assure you of my dreams.

I want all the possibilities of you in writing.

I want to give you your reflection.

I want your eyes on me.

I want everything before you to follow us

And leave a trail behind us.

I want never to say good-bye to you,

Even on the street corner nor phone.

I want. . . . . . I want so much

I'm breathless.

I want to bring my power in a poem to burn a hole in your pocket,

So then I could sew it.

I want you to be distant and feel you close.

I want endless days when its day,

And nighttime never to end when its night.

I want all seasons in one day.

I want the sun to set before us,

And come up in front of us.

I want to think you're thoughts,

Because they're mine.

I want only what's urging you.

I want to get in the way of your barriers.

I want you to be tender like you do already.

I want to say we meet for a reason,

And I want that reason to be bigger then us,

And I want it to take over us,

I want to forget,

I want to remember us.

I want your smile always,

And your grimace's too.

I want your scare on my lips,

I want your disappointments in my heart,

I want your strengths in my soul,

And your soul in my eyes.

I want to believe everything you say,

And I do.

I want you to tell me what's best,

When I don't know.

When your lost,

I want to find you and drag you from the darkness.

A new life....

2009-04-05T02:28:00.000-07:00

Very quietly I take my leave
As quietly as I came here;
Softly I wave good-bye
To the man of my dreams in the western sky.

For an online love that can never be
A broken family would result
And parent less children
Heartbreaking times simply beyond me

But one sided it was
Sad to have lost to love
Then to have never
Broken like a bird with nowhere to fly

A brand new man has come my way
And with him I will be
Love him not and knows it he
Both out of love but in need

Of each other to cure our past
And life worth living again
Will be as bright
A rainbow to follow we have

Hope is never lost so is said
My man will be only mine
For I cannot share
Though love so true

Will be mine again
Not completing me
From all chosen a husband
Complementing the vow

As I await to be in your arms
And be finally yours for real
Papers needed come to end
And our journey to commence

A true wife and partner
You can count on
You a husband I will embrace
Love you I will with all respect

Very quietly I take my leave
As quietly as I came here;
Gently I wave my hand to the past
Not even a wisp of ever having met will I bring away

Marriage........

2009-03-30T03:30:00.000-07:00

Is there freedom in your marriage?

Or is there bondage bringing woe

Is there freedom in your marriage?

This is what I'd like to know.

For marriage is two people

Each sharing the others respect

Not telling the other how to live or love

Nor giving each other the shove

For each is an individual

With free-will to be such;

Giving and receiving in their talents -

However much.

Having freedom to enjoy at times

What each may like to do;

Pleasing each other by attitude

Being happy for each too.

Standing by each other

When outsiders shoot the tongue

No matter what the cost might be

For freedom you're among.

So, is there freedom in your marriage?

I pray there is today,

For only in marriage's freedom -

Love will be for aye!

The woman in me.....

2009-03-26T03:23:00.000-07:00

My love is so near in my heart
But hes in fact so far
I fear this love is pointless
But, something strong says it's not
Is he really worth fighting or praying for?
Is he really worth praying for?
I'm so confused
I don't want to make the wrong decision

I love him so much
I don't know what to do
He does accept me, but loves me not, I can tell
He's too afraid to say, it's so hard on him I feel
Especially with everything that gets in the way.
It's not as easy as I thought , for many will get hurt
A proposal I have been informed

Differences and struggles leaving all tragic past behind
Starting anew is no easy task
Especially after the pause ;long it is
A new life means happiness they say
Still cant visualize,knowing a turn I must take
The heartaches of my past still haunt me
Confiscating my new rainbow of hope
Amnesia is thought an illness, I so wish I had

Must leave my past and move on anew
A man in my life will give reason to live
For what is a woman without a man?
Love?Who said anything about such/
Respect and appreciation come first
As before fallen, broken and in despair all watched
The game of love is over
And a new era for me in the making

I pray I be once more a happy soul
For my dues to tragedy I paid in full
To be completed by a partner is no choice
For completed I am and he the addition
He’s the whipped cream on my dessert
Is how I will see things
How I wish my parents could see me now
Marrying for convenience and not for love
Foremost they’d wish me well
Though a loveless marriage was never their plan

We cant play God for the job too divine
As destiny and fate become entwined
The gent is a good man,so they say
A handicap we both share
Never would I believe marry not for love
He a Christian and I ,a born Muslim
Convert he agreed , a widow he is, childless too
A pair made in heaven
One never knows

Will he be my passionate storm
Electrifying , my body from its deep sleep with every single touch
Or will my burning lust all go to waste?
Lust is not all so they say
For life holds many hopes
The gentleman in waiting
A response I have I have returned
In that love has no deal
For a unity with respect we will share
And living alone will no longer be an ordeal

The mother in me.....

2009-03-22T01:16:00.000-07:00

The mother in me
Happy and grateful of having had the perfect mum
But sad at the same time
For no one will say as well for me
Nor call me by natures name
Yes, childless I am
Lucky all say I am ;though I believe not

The mother in me
Is atrocious at times
To a point of insanity
Maybe that being why
I have come to remain childless
Overprotective and controlling
I may have become
From fear of losing something so precious and divine

The mother in me
A child is a bond between two loved ones
Which will unite them to eternity
Even if should they chose to part
An added contribution of love it is
For think they not when the nest is open
And fly away it may seem
As they will be back with offspring
Ecstatic their mum will be

The mother in me
How , Oh how I wish someone would
Call me mummy,mama,or mother
Natures name in the making
Not because a childless woman gives off
An incomplete nature to all observers
As the craving to mothering is strong and strenuous
And pretense is easily seen

The mother in me
Tried all I could
But to no avail
To hear little footsteps
Running and giggling away
Dreams and wishes are just that
But reality is a different showcase
Which I have to face and hopefully accept

I love this quote from Khalil Gibran

"Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself
They come through you but not from you
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit,
not even in your dreams."

To all mothers I wish a Blessed Happy Mother's Day,and to myself and other childless souls I hope the best is yet to come !

A dilemma.....

2009-03-18T03:53:00.000-07:00

What do you do when you love someone
who doesn't love you back
it's when you begin to love someone else
that their feelings begin to react

now you love 2 people
there's a dilemma you have to face
and you know the first one you ever loved
could not ever be replaced

but you know that you could never go back to the way things used to be
when all you saw was darkness
and the light you could not see
because it was too cloudy

or because the sky wasn't clear
or because the mountains in your mind
made it harder for you to hear
remember there's two people

and you can't make up your mind
bring the present forward
and put the past behind
the only thing that matters

is what your going through
thinking about the dilemma
and what you're supposed to do
what do you do when you cry at night

and there's nothing to calm your fears
and you know that this dilemma
is the causing of your tears

My Passionate Storm

2009-03-15T00:47:00.000-07:00

Like the ocean so wide and powerful with its waves rolling in and crashing against
The rocks

With the same force as my admiration towards the man I want to get to know
I want to know and feel his strength,and feel the power of his touch,crashing against
My soul

I want to feel his passions his desires and the dreams he has
Like the waters that go on
Forever and ever

I want to feel his tender touch caressing every inch of my body like the kiss of the sun over the ocean horizon,
Faithfully each morning

I want him to know that with each and ever word spoken is like a ripple that spreads throughout the deepest waters in My heart
For the day is coming closer and the nights are getting longer in the desire
To be near you

I dream of that moment when the waters of the ocean and the rocks of the cliffs finally meet
In a storm of passion,

His every touch will be like a soft caress to the rocks of the cliffs below
With each encounter will be like the waters stirring under the ocean so deep
With each kiss will be like a storm building furiously down beneath the earth
And deep down beneath my soul

And when the time comes for him to take my heart my soul and my body and make love to me
It will be like a wild storm out of control
With each touch, caress, and kiss he bestows upon me, will be like
Giant waves

Crashing vigorously with so much power and so much strength against the rocks,
Just like nature intended it to be
And just like I want him to completely take me

Then like the calm after the storm
I want to lie in his arms and hear
The pounding of his heart

Like the ocean waves
Calming and soothing
To my Soul.

To my mummy....

2009-03-09T02:39:00.000-07:00

For, until I depart, I will always remember you, my dear mummy.

Woke up this morning
Dragged myself to the kitchen
Poured a lukewarm cup of coffee
And slumped my shoulders over it.

Lost myself in my thoughts:
The chances I had taken,
The dreams never realized,
All the times I was mistaken.

As tears warm up my coffee
Wrapped in self-pity I wonder:
My broken marriage,
The wasted time,

The wrong paths.
I miss my mummy
Whom I'll never have again.

How sad it is that I no longer feel your touch.

No longer will I feel the warmth of your hugs.
Your kisses placed gently upon my cheek.
Your hands caressing my hair.

Oh, for so many years I have wept.

If only once I could call you and hear your reply.
You are my reminder that life should never be taken for granted.
You are my reminder that above all else life should be cherished.
Your love will always be eternal.

ALONE

2009-03-05T02:25:00.000-08:00

Alone to cry
Alone to smile
Alone to die
And all the while

I'm Alone to wander
And Alone to live
Alone to ponder
What should have been

Alone to discover
A world full of pain
Childless with no siblings,father or mother
To chase away

The fears that i dream
of things that i should not say
But I'm Alone with my dreams
Alone each and every day

Alone to live
Alone to learn
Alone in joy
Alone in hurt

Alone in morning
Afternoon and the night
Alone without knowing
Alone in life

Alone I was born
And alone I will die
Alone walking through life
Alone Without pride

How are you satisfied
Living life like you do
When you know there is some one out there
Who could use a friend like you

No one will know how I live
No one will know who I am
No one will know how i felt
No one will ever give a damn

It’s no fun to be alone
To do everything on your own
To live with no recognition

No one to share my pride with
Wanting to have someone
To live my life with

But for now...

I will continue alone

And all alone...

I am always alone.

From daddy's girl-missing you like hell......

2009-02-26T08:32:00.000-08:00

Death is not the end, it is only a bridge to another place.

My Dad

I know this man
Who is dear to my heart
Suddenly one day
It was torn all apart

This man taught me every thing
That I needed to know
But I never really listened
Until he had to go

He gave me love
And touched my life
Its all over now
He no longer has to fight

He tried to teach me
Right for wrong
The day he left
I wasn't that strong

He is gone now
It is hard to believe
This man is my dad
Who I will never see

But I will see him again
This I know
The day will come
When its time for me to go

So, I'll hold him dear
And close to my heart
Cause the day we meet
I know we'll never be torn apart.

To a good friend and love ,who is no longer

2009-02-24T01:39:00.000-08:00

This is my first post . A good friend introduced me to this blooging issue- she herself a blogger.

I'll have a go and see how it goes.

This is a poem of mine to a long lost love that wasn't meant to be !

Caring and charming
Heart full of bliss
Angel eyes that embrace me
Delicious lips I so wanted to kiss.

Friends will come and friends will go,
The seasons change and it will show,
I will age and so will you,
But our friendship stays, hopefully strong and true.

The flowers will die
The sun will set
But you're someone I'll never forget.

You were a good friend to me when no one else cared
You heard me calling when I was in despair
You even helped me to face my fear
You cared for me and let me know you were there

I thank you love for being tough and help me fight
As I think of you and cry to myself to sleep
I hold my pillow tight
To what could've been ….

As the night seems endless
tossing and turning
sheets in a mess
memories burning …….

That's life we either break hearts
Or get broken
In my case the latter is always the conquest
Cause luck never comes my way
It merely shows a slight light
And leaves me astray

My hard luck as is said
Some even call it fate
I don't know anymore
Think I've said it all